she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
nutella sex= disaster
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
