He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just found a bag of teeth...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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