from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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