How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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