You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
