There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
