I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize