well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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