im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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