So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
