Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
