We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
