is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
