tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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