i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
