we have officially lost it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
