too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
