Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
