Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
