I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize