so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
