HIV tests are more positive than that guy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
