Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
