I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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