I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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