remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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