I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He did a backflip because drugs
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