also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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