There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
