If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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