My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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