What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
