apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
