i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
