ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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