We're facebook friends in real life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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