He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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