Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
