K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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