He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize