I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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