Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
