According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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