I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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