he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
