You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
