if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
