He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
