Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
