So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
