Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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