Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
