i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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