I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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