idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
