Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
