16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone signed my nipple.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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