TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What drink are we having for lunch?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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