Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
