I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
